Why Do I Love You
by princessreigns
Summary: [ONE-SHOT] It started out as a simple fling; it wasn't meant to be more than that. I wasn't suppose to become so attached to him. I wasn't suppose to love him; I wasn't suppose to fall in love with Dean Ambrose. But I did. I loved him; I was in love with him. And I hated myself for it. Dean Ambrose/OC. Rated M for language and adult themes.


**Why Do I Love You**

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I've given you countless Roman one-shots, even gave you one starting our resident traitor aka the fucknugget. Now, I give you one with our favorite lunatic. It's slightly smutty, but I'm sure I'll hear no compliments for that. This one-shot was inspired by the song, I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace. Enjoy everyone!  
><em>

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><p>"Shit, Dean, right there!"<p>

He kept driving in and out of me, snapping his hips forward. Each thrust granted me with a smack on my ass to match. I couldn't count how many times he'd hit me over and over, surely leaving his hand print there as his marking symbol.

He'd left similar markings on my most sensitive area. Dean loved to play rough when were together like this. Him giving me a few hard slaps on my clit seemed to warm him up. It only warmed me up more as each slap sent pain and pleasure through my body at lightening speeds, causing me to grow wetter for him.

He loved that he had that kind of power over me. The fact that he could just touch me, and it'd lite my entire well-being on fire fueled him. It was the reason for the cocky smile on his face right now.

"You like that don't you, darling. You like my pounding into this tight, little kitty of yours."

It was a statement, but I knew he wanted a response. Dean ran his rough, callous hands from my neck down my entire back before stopping to smack my heart-shaped ass. His other hand found my long, ombré hair, gripping it in his hand and pulling me up so that my back made contact with his toned chest.

Dean ran his tongue over my earlobe, mumbling sweet nothing into my ear as he thrust into me. He slowed his thrusts down to prolong the built up to my orgasm. We both could tell I was close, and neither one of us were ready for this night to end.

Dean tilted my chin up with his index finger. My chocolate eyes locked with his darkened blues, his pupils clearly dilated in lust. He held my stare. His right arms came around my waist, holding my body closer to him. The contrast of my olive toned skin against his paler skin color made my insides tingle.

His finger slipped down my stomach, stopping to trace a circle around my navel, before trailing down to my pelvic bone. His traced the inside of my right thigh before moving up to lightly run his finger over the protruding nub between my legs that Dean had caused to swell in lust and excitement.

"You're awfully wet for me, darling." He moaned into my ear.

"Dean, oohhh," I moaned out as he thumbed me hard. The roughness of his finger combined with his bearded cheek against my face was pushing me closer to my breaking point.

I told him in a strained voice. "Dean, I-I'm so close, baby."

He teasingly squeezed my clit between his index and middle finger before hitting it again harshly. I let out a squeal and he chuckled in amusement.

"How close?" He asked.

"So fucking close…"

"Then, I suggest you hold it, darling."

I swallowed hard. He'd already had me on edge for the past few minutes of him lazily thrusting in and out of me. Now, he wanted me to hold it in? If I held it in any longer, I felt like my inside would explode, and he'd have more than an explosive orgasm on his hands.

"Dean, I-I can't-" I stuttered out.

"You better start learning, my sweet, little Ashley." He calmly ordered into my ear. "You know what happens when you disobey me. I'd hate for us to have a repeat from our last time together right before I have to leave. Wouldn't you?"

I nodded, trying to strain my yelling. The walls of the hotel room we were in were rather thin. I was positive the rooms near ours could hear my moaning and screaming and Dean's grunting and dirty talk. Half of them were probably getting off on it while the others lay in bed disgusted and disturbed. But Dean had put a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door upon entering. Those passing by knew what was to come afterwards.

Dean continued to tease me, edging me closer to my climax. His index finger traced my slit back and forth. He popped the same finger in his mouth, tasting me. "Mhmm, just as good as I remember. You haven't been with anyone else have you?"

"No," I breathed out, gasping. "Only you, Dean. Just you."

"Good. You're mine; you belong to me." He smacked my ass again. "This ass is mine. These tits are mine," He added, pinching the small tan buds between his fingers to emphasize his point. "You know this kitty is mine." He purred. "I put my name on it every time I see you.

"Tell me it's my kitty, Ashley. Tell me it belongs to me."

"It belongs to you, Dean." I promised him.

"Do you belong to me? Are you mine, darling."

"I'm yours," I gasped as he pulled out and replaced his girth with two digits, pushing them as far into me as he could. I fell forward, falling onto the bed and gripping the sheets. My back arched as Dean drove his fingers in and out of me. He pulled his fingers from me as I groaned in frustration.

He moved me over onto my back and crawled over me, biting his lips. He leaned down and brushed his lips over my collar bone as he moved down my body.

When his lips kissed down between my legs, he spread my legs apart. Hungrily, he latched his lips on the small bundle of nerves at the apex of my thighs. I immediately wrapped my thighs around his head, my ankles resting on his strong shoulder. Dean's hands wrapped around my thighs, gripping them as he feasted on me. His tongue swirled around my clit, lapping at my center.

"Dean…fuck." I cursed, running my fingers through his messy blonde hair. I propped up on my elbows so that I could watch his tongue work on me. I love when he used his tongue on me. His mouth was very talented, in and out of the ring.

But his oral onslaught only last so long. Once he pulled his mouth away from me, licking his lips to taste more of me, he slipped on a condom and reclaimed his place inside of my body.

He had time working against him now. If it were up to him, he would've dined on me all night until I was practically begging him to stop, but he had a long flight in the morning. He was going to be overseas for a little over a week, and I wouldn't get the chance to see him for a while. One long lasting sex session would have to hold the both of us over until he came back to the states.

Dean pushed my legs up, bringing my knees into my chest. I moved his hands for him, holding my legs in positions so he had a nice view of his kitty. He spat on his thumb before rubbing it harshly against my clit. He saw the taunt expression on my face; he knew I was close, and this time, he wouldn't let me hold back.

"I'm letting you let go, Ashley. I want you to cum for me, darling. Cum all over this dick, kitten."

Dean never had to tell me twice. Once he gave me the green light, I had my climax right then in there. I tightened around his shaft, milking him for everything he had. I felt the spring in my stomach become undone as I felt my juices running down my leg.

Dean's release wasn't far behind as he released himself into the condom. He pulled out breathlessly, tossing the condom into the wastebasket by the bed. He stroked himself a few times, watching as his kitty glisten. He leaned down again, lapping at my center and cleaning up the mess he'd help me make. To finish it off, he swiped his finger over me then placed his index finger in my mouth, making me taste myself.

I moaned around his finger as he slowly pulled it away from my mouth.

Dean pulled back, sitting up on the side of the bed in search of his clothes. I wrapped my body in the soft sheets of the hotel bed. I knew he had a early flight to catch, but I was secretly hoping he'd stay with me until I fell asleep.

As he pulled his boxers and jeans back up his legs and fastened his belt, he eyed me, smirking. He crawled back on the bed and leaned over to sweetly kiss me. I allowed my hands to wrap around his neck pull him down slightly, deepening the kiss. I loved the way he kissed me, and the fact that I could taste myself on his lips made the kiss that much more sensual and intimate.

His icy gaze had soften as he ended the kiss with a peck on my lips. I sighed contently, sitting up and fixing my hair.

"Dean," I called out to him.

He put his beater back on with his grey leather jacket, turning slightly to look at me out the corner of his eyes.

"I love you." I told him. I already knew before saying it that he wouldn't say it back. He never had before; now was no different. We've been sleeping around for months, and around about three months back, I told him I loved him for the first time. It took him by surprise to say the least because originally, I was just a lay for him for when the WWE flew to New York. That four letter word wasn't suppose to pop up at any point.

Dean smiled lightly. He walked over to my side of the bed. He kissed the top of my head and made his exit without another word to me. I'd gotten use to it, but it hurt whenever he left without saying it back. We'd been doing this for too long for emotions to not get involved at some point.

I pulled myself from the bed. I found an old shirt of his that he'd left with me one night a while back and put it on, so that I could feel closer to him. It still had his smell on it. I clutched it while I laid there thinking of him.

You're probably wondering how I met him. Well, I met him and a few other wrestler at show in New Jersey with a few friends. I was working at a nightclub that him and a few other superstars came to that night. I was serving some drinks, and I caught his eye eye. I loved bad boys, and he had it written all over him. I played hard to get most of the night as he eyed me up.

He finally got tired of my games and made a move. He talked me into his pants that night actually. I wasn't one to sleep with a guy when I first met him, especially one I didn't know, but he was so smooth, so sexy and such a convincing man. From then, I was hooked. Anytime he was in town or relatively close, I made the drive to see him…well, have sex with him. I was his when he was in town, and he was mine.

It only hurt because he claimed me as his. He said I belonged to him, but he didn't belong to me. I knew he had other women in other cities. Hell, for all I knew he had another girl in the same city as me.

I loved him, but I had no idea if the love was mutual. I wanted him to love me. I wanted this to be so much more than sex. We'd never been on one date. There was no spending the night, no pillow talk. It was such a one-sided partnership. I learned gradually to be okay with it because I rather have a piece of him than none of him at all.

I sighed as I laid back into the pillow. I still had Dean on the brain. His dirty blonde hair, his gorgeous, blue eyes, his toned body, his smile and dimples and most importantly, his touch. As soon as his touch left my body, I craved for its return. It was like an addiction, and Dean was my drug.

I wanted him. All of him. I loved him so much that it hurt sometimes when I thought about never having him.

But all I wanted was him. Whenever other guys tried to talk to me or approached me at the club where I worked, I blew them off, told them I had a man. In reality, Dean wasn't _my _man. He was only mine on nights like this one, and he wasn't mine for long then.

Frankly, I'd gotten tired of it. Sometimes, I would wait for him after shows, per his request, and would get ugly stares from the fans or the other talent. Dean would tell me not to worry about it, but it always got to me. I wasn't a ring rat. I wasn't like those other girls who turned up at shows with the sole purpose of fucking a superstar. I didn't throw myself at any of them. The only one who had my hurt was Dean, but because I didn't have the title of his girlfriend, I was just that. Another ring rat looking to get laid.

I laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling of the hotel room. My phone vibrated next to me. I knew it was him. He always did this. It was one of his sweet gestures. He wasn't the cold, unapproachable guy some of his fans or onlookers made him out to be. Dean was actually really caring, gentle -when he wanted to be- and sweet to me.

_Made it to the airport safely. Don't miss me too much, darling. I'll see you soon. - Dean._

Anytime he left me and had to be in another city, he'd text me to make sure I knew he arrived in one piece. It helped my nerves because with his job, anything could happen to him. It was enough he could get seriously injured in the ring, but getting hurt during traveled scared me more than anything.

I replied to his message, smiling to myself at the simple though of him.

_You know I'll always miss you when you're gone. Just back get to me in one piece, xo. - Kitten._

When I messaged him, I always attached it to the pet name he'd given me. It wasn't that I wanted to. I didn't mind the name. When he used it in bed, it only served to get me more riled up and excited, but I knew he didn't get girls' names in his phone. He had my number in his contacts under the name _Kitten._ He had other names too that I'd seen in there on a few occasions. I never asked him about them; it wasn't my business; I wasn't his girl.

I guess having the pet names was something that just kept all of us separated, so that he never used the wrong name with the wrong girl.

He told me before that there were only a small number of women that he was involved with sexually, including me. He swore that those girls were before me, but I didn't believe that. No way was Dean Ambrose going without sex when he was away on the road, when he wasn't with me. He had to have something to keep him entertained. I just hoped he was one, being safe, and two, that I was his number one.

It was a selfish wish, but eh, it made me feel special at the thought of being his number one girl.

I rolled myself out of the hotel bed. I wasn't staying all night just to have the walk of shame in the morning. I put my clothes back on, clothes that had his lingering smell of booze and axe spray from our pre-sex warm-up. I fixed my hair, brushing the kinks out of it.

I checked my makeup too, wiping at my smeared eye-liner. I couldn't leave looking like a raccoon or a hooker. People already held me to a low standard because I was fucking a wrestler. I didn't need to prove them right.

As I quickly looked myself in the mirror, I noticed the whole afterglow effect taking over me. My olive-colored skin looked brighter and dewier than normal. My brown eyes appeared to be sparkling too. It wasn't the first time it'd happen; Dean always left a last impression on me. He made me feel good, in more ways than one. He was an amazing confidence booster for me. I always managed to give myself a hard time. I wasn't skinny like girls Dean's had in the past. My thighs were thicker, I was curvier, my stomach wasn't completely flat. I wasn't thin by any means, but Dean looked past all that.

I never knew what his type was when it came to women. Skinny girls, thick girls, white, black or Latina, blonde-haired bimbos or dark-haired beauties. I didn't know his preference, but I guess it didn't matter. He liked what he liked, and he obviously liked me.

And I'd gotten so attached that I'd fell in love with him. Why did I love him so much? He wasn't what I looked for or wanted in a man. He embodied everything that society says I'm suppose to hate.

But I was far from hating Dean. I did hate how I couldn't be _his, _but I didn't hate him.

I hated myself for loving him.

I grabbed my phone and purse and made my exit from the hotel room. I walked through the lobby, trying not to make eye contact with those who saw me come stumbling in earlier with Dean with our lips attached together like glue. They knew, but I wouldn't let them shame me. I wasn't shameful of my relationship with Dean. I didn't hate the type of relationship I had with him.

I just hated myself for falling in love with him.

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><p>Leaning against my car, I looked around outside of the arena. It was dark out and the show was almost over. I saw other women waiting around by the doors where the talent would exit after the show. They gave me dirty, knowing looks. I just shook my head. They couldn't judge me. They thought they knew me, though they knew what I was or what I was there for. I wasn't them. They assumed I was. I guess they thought that I thought I was better than them all because I wasn't owning up to what I was like they were. But I wasn't a ring rat like them. I would never be one of those.<p>

The doors soon came open and out came the male and female talent, their suitcases in hand as they walked to their rental cars. I spotted Dean coming out with Roman. I'd had the pleasure of meeting him. He was really nice to me. He didn't judge like the others did. He was very warm, welcoming and fun to be around. Roman was like a brother to Dean. Their bond was inseparable. From what Dean had chosen to share with me about his upbringing, I was glad he had a person like Roman in his life.

Dean didn't share his life with just anyone. He was a private person. I may not have the title of being his girlfriend, but he surely treated me like one, behind closed doors that is. He'd introduced me to only his closest friends who worked with him. He'd shared parts of himself with me. I was grateful for that. That he could trust me even to reveal himself to me.

His blue eyes met mine in the midst of the crowd. He smiled at me, those dimples of his that I loved appearing on his face.

He was making his way to me when one of those girls stopped him. I wasn't far from him; I was close enough to see them interact with each other. The girl looked younger, and she had blonde hair. She was slimmer than me. You could see her fake boobs from a mile away. I rolled my eyes watching her bat her eyelashes at Dean.

I saw her slip him a small piece of paper. I knew it was her number. I watched as he slipped it into his pocket. The smile he had on his face while he entertained her was questionable. I didn't know if she appealed to him or if he was just engaging her.

When he took her hand in his and kissed the back of it, my question was answered. He winked at before slipping away from her and approaching me. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close and kissing my head. I saw the daggers the girl sent my way, but I brushed it off.

I looked up at him, biting my bottom lip. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew something was off.

"What's wrong, darling?" He brushed my hair out of my face, putting stands behind my ear.

"Are you going to use it?" I asked.

"Use what?"

"Dean, don't play me for stupid. I saw that girl give you her number, and you put it in your pocket. I saw you kiss her hand. I saw the way you looked at her, Dean. Do you plan on using it?" I asked him again, my arms crossed over my chest.

"Darling, I saw just being nice." He told me.

I rolled my eyes again. "That was more than being nice…you like her don't, you?"

His eyebrows scrunched up. "She's a pretty girl. I won't lie to you; I'm not a liar." I looked down at the ground, feeling my blood begin to boil. "Is something wrong with that, thinking she's an attractive woman?"

I didn't give him an answer. He lifted my chin, making me look at him. "Honestly, I was actually thinking of having her come with us tonight. Maybe a little girl on girl action between you and her, then, I could join in."

Was he serious proposing a threesome? He must have been out of his mind. I'd try a lot of things with him. I was open to any ideas as long as it was with him and him only. Never had he entertained the idea of bringing another woman into the bedroom with us.

"Hell no," I said, "I'm not a threesome kind of girl, Dean." I was slightly hurt that he'd even propose the idea. "I don't like sharing you." I know it sounded selfish, but I didn't care. I wanted him to myself, and as long as he was with me, I wouldn't share him with another woman.

"Share me? You make it sound like I'm asking a huge favor, darling. Would it be that hard for you to kiss another woman? I have to admit I've fantasized about you going down on one or one going down on you. Their tongues couldn't do what mines can, but I'd love to watch it come close."

I wanted to slap the taste out of his mouth, but we were in a public place with people around, and I had to remember to stay calm. My eyes darkened as I looked up at him.

"You want a threesome, then, you go get it from that whore and one of her friends. I don't roll that way; I don't do threesomes. Never have, never will." I turned my back to him, opening my car door to get in.

Dean stopped me. "Whoa, what's your problem, Ashley? If you weren't up for it, you could've just said no. You don't gotta blow up at me."

"No, I do because I'm tired, Dean. I get tired of acting like I'm okay with you flirting and being with other woman when I want you all to myself. I know relationships aren't your thing. I get that you're a no strings attached kind of guy, but I'm not that kind of girl." I paused, taking a deep breath and trying not to become too emotional. "I told myself that I wouldn't get attached, that I knew better, but I didn't. I love you. You know I do, and you never say it back. You act like I just throw the word at you to amuse you.

"You fuck other women in other cities like I don't matter, Dean, like you don't care, and it hurts. It hurts so bad and you don't even get it."

Dean let out a strained breath, running his hand through his messy, dirty blonde hair. I knew the speech he was about to give, and I didn't want to hear it again.

"Ashley-"

"Don't, Dean. I know, okay." I stopped him. "Dean, you make me feel a lot of things, but you don't make me feel loved. You make feel special, the way you look at me, touch me…you call me sexy, and I literally feel like I'm the sexiest women alive. But none of that matters because never once have you made me feel like you love me. And seeing you show these other women the same affection you show me makes me feel less than. Like I'm not as important to you, like I'm just another lay for you in another random ass city. Like I'm-"

He cut me off mid-sentence, crashing his lips into mine. I tried to fend him off, pushing against his chest, but it was to no anvil as I succumbed to his dominance. His kisses made my legs feel like jelly. His hands began to scratch and claw at my body, hungrily pulling at the fabric that covered me.

I pushed away long enough for the both of us to get in the car and get back to the hotel he was staying at tonight.

The pattern was the same. We came into the hotel lobby, kissing and touching. I saw surprised that he was able to check us in and kiss me at the same time. He picked me up and my legs wrapped around him as we stumbled our way towards the elevator.

Thank goodness no one was inside as he began pulling off my top and unbutton my shorts. By the time we reached his room, I'd lost my top and my bottoms and was in nothing but my underwear. We made it inside the room, and he threw me on the bed. He crawled over me, stalking my body with a dangerous look in his eyes.

He captured my lips between his once again, biting at my bottom lip as I pull the offending grey shirt from his toned upper body. We made quick work of getting the rest of our clothes off, and just like that I was back under his spell. It was like my rant in the arena parking lot didn't happen, like I hadn't uttered a word to him.

And as he buried himself inside me, I seemed to forget about it too.

Dean buried his face into my neck, marking me with his teeth as he thrust harshly into me. My legs wrapped around his back and his speed picked up. He snapped his hips forward, going harder and deeper and hitting my special spot multiple times.

His lips wrapped around my perky nipple, which he bit lightly as I reached my climax. I felt him reach his a few seconds later after a few more deep thrust, and he released himself inside of me, his seed feeling me to the hilt.

When he pulled out, he rolled over onto his back. Both of us tried to calm our breathes. I pulled the sheets up around me. I turned over onto my side, clutching the covers close to me. We'd had sex many times, but I'd never felt so vulnerable.

I felt Dean's arm drape over around my waist and hold me close to him. And I was back to square one.

I was his for that night, and for that moment, he was mine.

However, when I woke up the next morning and he was gone, I knew he wouldn't be. He wouldn't be my man; I wasn't his woman. I couldn't be mad at him though. We weren't in a committed relationship. I wanted a real relationship with him, but as long as I had something with him, I was grateful.

But I hated myself for loving him.

I didn't hate myself for being with him. I wanted to be with him; I wanted to be with him for as long as he could, but I didn't want to be so attached to him. I didn't want to be in love with him.

But I did. I loved him so much that it hurt to think about being without him.

I didn't know how I'd fallen so deeply or so quickly. I was never suppose to love him.

But I was in love with him, and I hated myself for it.

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><p><em>There it is. I wrote it in first person, which I've never attempted before, but I loved how this turned out. I hope you all did too. Please leave a review and tell me whatcha' think.<em>


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